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Archive for April, 2011

B-School interview of a Hustler

April 15, 2011 9 comments

Though the GD-PI season 2011 is almost on an end, but most of us(including me, Sunny Walia) would be having some grudges against the schools which didn’t understand our potential and respect our talents, which is an euphemism for we getting rejected btw. You always feel that you could have said something in the PI but you couldn’t because you were scared to get rejected(which you got, anyway). Now the following is a brainchild of a super-talented, charming, awesome, bindass guy but a victim of bad interviews(that’s me \m/). This is a totally fictitious piece with no relation with anyone living or dead, selected or rejected. And please do not try this in your interviews.

*Our protagonist, KillerBoy, reported at 9 AM and has been waiting for his turn at the interview. He has not even been asked for a water. It is almost 1 o clock and he is running out of patience and body salt(no air conditioning you see). The B-Schools which boasts of the best management curriculum in the country is badly mismanaged, but the nose of the administration is too high to admit it. At 1:30 he gets a call in the interview room. He gets up with his file. The arrogant panelists have no idea of what is approaching steadily towards them*

He enters the room.

Panelist1: Good afternoon KillerBoy. That’s a unique name by the way.

KB: yeah man, my parents knew I would be having such an interview some day and they wanted my name to suit my actions on that day.

P1: Okay, tell us about yourself.

KB: Didn’t you read the damn form I filled? and the stupid SOP which I copied from so many places to make it look original? still need to know more about me?

P1: Tell us something that is not on the form and the SOP.

KB: Okay… I like boozing and clubbing. Absolut is my favorite vodka brand. My first girlfriend was 4 years older to me as I have a fetish for older women. But I hate old men, like yourself and the fat boy next to you(Panelist 2, he meant). I once got almost arrested for beating a guy in public…

P1: okay okay, that would be enough *awestruck*. So, what are your hobbies?

KB: Adventure sports dude !! parasailing, bunjee jumping. And I like performing Rajnikant stunts. I tried to run on a wall on a right angle. Didn’t work out, but that was fun..

P1: what is the last movie you watched ?

KB: Oh, sir, I can’t name it. and the name doesn’t really matter for the movies of that genre ! 😀

P1: *shudders* (to P2) This boy is strange

KB: I heard that old boy..

P1: Okay KillerBoy, tell me.. why MBA? How do you think will MBA help you?

KB: Sir, MBA can shape up my life and I want to go to France. Haven’t you hear that song- “Hey ye ye ye.. Pappu ke Paas hai MBA. Hey ye ye ye.. Karta hai France mein holiday”

P1: So that is the only reason?

KB: No sir, there is more. A deeper reason is that your prospectus shows some seriously hot chicks and I though I could be around them if I take admission here. And since you don’t offer any other course, so MBA.

P1: (Towards P2) I am done. You want to ask something?

P2: KillerBoy, you are a little different from what we require in our batch.

KB: I know sir. I got the swag and I got the bling. 😀 I know I am different. If you guys check your global rankings, you should have felt already that you need different people *WOW ! What a dialogue!)

P2: So, tell me about your job. What is your job profile?

KB: Sir, I get paid to laze around. Oh yes, sometimes I also do copy-paste coding stuff. Google rocks \m/

P2: What are your strengths and weaknesses?

KB: Dude, I repeat. Read the damn SOP. I spent 2 days to write it and you guys don’t read it? You guys collecting toilet paper or what !??

P2: We read it boy. But we like to hear things from you.

KB: really? smart-ass !

P2: Ok KB. What is the GDP of India?

KB: do you have Wi-Fii enabled? Should I google it? or it is okay if you go back home and check it yourself? Try wikipedia. or ciafactbook. they have updated data.

P2: You don’t know it? it is 14.3 billion dollars.

KB: Man, that’s a lot…. So, that includes the money earned via scams in India or it is exclusive of that? *Satire man.. awesome*

P2: Who is the communication minister of India?

KB: Could be Shashi Tharoor. He has a thing for communicating through twitter. I unfollowed him yesterday. loser !

P2: How do you find the area under a curve using calculus?

KB: Why would I need to do it? Am I an architect or a rocket scientist? And what is calculus? that integration thingy? Oh.. that erks me *puking gesture*

P2: You know KillerBoy, you might not be able make it through the list. you are not knowledgeable enough. and not well-mannered too..

KB: It is evident that you guys have been selecting the people who have faked their way through. You wouldn’t know who is real. You old guys are arrogant. You refuse to change yourselves. You select only those who appeal to your stupid mindset. Do you not understand why Indian B-Schools don’t get ranked high in the world? you idiots are the reason. You think that you have been taking interviews since decades and you know how to judge people? You have no idea how people fake themselves and fool you guys easily. You have no judgement of merit because you rest on your asses thinking about your past laurels.

P2: Thank you. You may go now. *scared to death*

KB: Ofcourse man, you keep interviewing for the few seats left after you guys have sold many through management quota shit.

*KillerBoy grabs the bowl with the candies on the table and puts all of them in his pocket. The panelists sit scared and dumbstruck. And the interview process continues*

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