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B-School interview of a Hustler

April 15, 2011 9 comments

Though the GD-PI season 2011 is almost on an end, but most of us(including me, Sunny Walia) would be having some grudges against the schools which didn’t understand our potential and respect our talents, which is an euphemism for we getting rejected btw. You always feel that you could have said something in the PI but you couldn’t because you were scared to get rejected(which you got, anyway). Now the following is a brainchild of a super-talented, charming, awesome, bindass guy but a victim of bad interviews(that’s me \m/). This is a totally fictitious piece with no relation with anyone living or dead, selected or rejected. And please do not try this in your interviews.

*Our protagonist, KillerBoy, reported at 9 AM and has been waiting for his turn at the interview. He has not even been asked for a water. It is almost 1 o clock and he is running out of patience and body salt(no air conditioning you see). The B-Schools which boasts of the best management curriculum in the country is badly mismanaged, but the nose of the administration is too high to admit it. At 1:30 he gets a call in the interview room. He gets up with his file. The arrogant panelists have no idea of what is approaching steadily towards them*

He enters the room.

Panelist1: Good afternoon KillerBoy. That’s a unique name by the way.

KB: yeah man, my parents knew I would be having such an interview some day and they wanted my name to suit my actions on that day.

P1: Okay, tell us about yourself.

KB: Didn’t you read the damn form I filled? and the stupid SOP which I copied from so many places to make it look original? still need to know more about me?

P1: Tell us something that is not on the form and the SOP.

KB: Okay… I like boozing and clubbing. Absolut is my favorite vodka brand. My first girlfriend was 4 years older to me as I have a fetish for older women. But I hate old men, like yourself and the fat boy next to you(Panelist 2, he meant). I once got almost arrested for beating a guy in public…

P1: okay okay, that would be enough *awestruck*. So, what are your hobbies?

KB: Adventure sports dude !! parasailing, bunjee jumping. And I like performing Rajnikant stunts. I tried to run on a wall on a right angle. Didn’t work out, but that was fun..

P1: what is the last movie you watched ?

KB: Oh, sir, I can’t name it. and the name doesn’t really matter for the movies of that genre ! 😀

P1: *shudders* (to P2) This boy is strange

KB: I heard that old boy..

P1: Okay KillerBoy, tell me.. why MBA? How do you think will MBA help you?

KB: Sir, MBA can shape up my life and I want to go to France. Haven’t you hear that song- “Hey ye ye ye.. Pappu ke Paas hai MBA. Hey ye ye ye.. Karta hai France mein holiday”

P1: So that is the only reason?

KB: No sir, there is more. A deeper reason is that your prospectus shows some seriously hot chicks and I though I could be around them if I take admission here. And since you don’t offer any other course, so MBA.

P1: (Towards P2) I am done. You want to ask something?

P2: KillerBoy, you are a little different from what we require in our batch.

KB: I know sir. I got the swag and I got the bling. 😀 I know I am different. If you guys check your global rankings, you should have felt already that you need different people *WOW ! What a dialogue!)

P2: So, tell me about your job. What is your job profile?

KB: Sir, I get paid to laze around. Oh yes, sometimes I also do copy-paste coding stuff. Google rocks \m/

P2: What are your strengths and weaknesses?

KB: Dude, I repeat. Read the damn SOP. I spent 2 days to write it and you guys don’t read it? You guys collecting toilet paper or what !??

P2: We read it boy. But we like to hear things from you.

KB: really? smart-ass !

P2: Ok KB. What is the GDP of India?

KB: do you have Wi-Fii enabled? Should I google it? or it is okay if you go back home and check it yourself? Try wikipedia. or ciafactbook. they have updated data.

P2: You don’t know it? it is 14.3 billion dollars.

KB: Man, that’s a lot…. So, that includes the money earned via scams in India or it is exclusive of that? *Satire man.. awesome*

P2: Who is the communication minister of India?

KB: Could be Shashi Tharoor. He has a thing for communicating through twitter. I unfollowed him yesterday. loser !

P2: How do you find the area under a curve using calculus?

KB: Why would I need to do it? Am I an architect or a rocket scientist? And what is calculus? that integration thingy? Oh.. that erks me *puking gesture*

P2: You know KillerBoy, you might not be able make it through the list. you are not knowledgeable enough. and not well-mannered too..

KB: It is evident that you guys have been selecting the people who have faked their way through. You wouldn’t know who is real. You old guys are arrogant. You refuse to change yourselves. You select only those who appeal to your stupid mindset. Do you not understand why Indian B-Schools don’t get ranked high in the world? you idiots are the reason. You think that you have been taking interviews since decades and you know how to judge people? You have no idea how people fake themselves and fool you guys easily. You have no judgement of merit because you rest on your asses thinking about your past laurels.

P2: Thank you. You may go now. *scared to death*

KB: Ofcourse man, you keep interviewing for the few seats left after you guys have sold many through management quota shit.

*KillerBoy grabs the bowl with the candies on the table and puts all of them in his pocket. The panelists sit scared and dumbstruck. And the interview process continues*

Some things that naver made sense to me in Harry Potter Saga

November 25, 2010 8 comments

Yes, I am talking about the dude with the round spectacles and the mark on the forehead. You all know him and have read him, and most probably watched him on screen. He swept the world some years back and became a global phenomenon triggering magically rowdy behavior among young children, and some over grown children.

I was never a big Harry Potter fan, but I usually watched the series for its special effects which are undoubtedly awesome! There has been a lot of stuff I keep wondering about the whole Harry Potter mania and haven’t found answers about them. J.K Rowling won’t have time to reply to my long email(or maybe she would use it as toilet paper– which is intolerable for my esteemed opinions). I am making a list of the questions I want to ask, related to the Harry Potter series(Take it in a lighter vein. No offenses to fans)->

1. What exactly saved Harry from Voldemort as a kid? Was it his mother’s love? or was it Voldemort’s goof-up? or was it a fluke? They keep changing the reasons in every part, leaving us clueless.

2. Voldemort’s fatal spell gave that mark on Harry’s forehead. It could have been something uglier. But it was the perfect-stylish-lightening bolt mark. Why couldn’t it be a 50 Cent portrait?

3. How exactly did Voldemort come up with that name? Oh yes, we saw that alphabet rearrangement of ‘Tom Riddle’ but that was pretty lame. This sinister dude actually did that rearrangement to make a name for himself? Epic Fail !

4. Harry Potter becomes one of the finest wizards in the world. He knows all sorts of spells. But he doesn’t have a spell for correcting his eye-sight? Or does he think that the glasses look cool on him? Read more…

People are wasting time after shows like MTV Roadies

November 19, 2010 4 comments

I am not much of a television watcher(KBC is the only show I watch), but I have friends who are. And it is not unusual not to miss out on those shows which are surrounded by buzz all the time. And in this post I am going to talk about one such reality show which has gained so much hype among youngsters that thousands of young people actually have an aim to make it into the show. They conduct auditions all over India and people flock like there is a free lunch. You know what I am talking about, right? Yes. I am talking about MTV Roadies.

Roadies Chandigarh AuditionsSorry to disappoint those who thought I am going to write goodies about the show. I am not at all fond of it, in fact I would say that I hate the show. I believe it is one of the most unintelligent shows on T.V and is a waste of airtime. Many youngsters, no doubt, flock from far away places to audition for the show and perceive it to be their life’s aim. I pity such people as they have no idea how low their aim is. I read someone’s status update on facebook saying- “There are some people who say that being a ‘Roadie’ is the biggest thing in their lives. Those people are either stupid, or have no idea what life is.”. I could not agree more. People are squandering time, energy, money and are proud of it ! Read more…

Social Networks- Can we live without them?

November 14, 2010 1 comment

Every morning I wake up and I am still in my bed when I try to reach out for my cellphone without even opening my eyes. I forcefully open my eyes a bit and try to navigate through my cellphone’s internet browser. I open facebook and see what all notifications I have, who has liked my updates, who has sent me a message or a friend request. Finding good stuff on my wall brings the first smile of the day on my face.
The next thing I do is open twitter and see for any @ mentions about me. If there are, I reply to them at that very moment. Then I bootstrap my sleepy mind to think of something innovative and catchy, so that I can tweet it.
So, that is how my day begins… and ends too. And these processes are repeated numerous times at the other times of the day too.

My parents usually are not very happy with my social networking addiction. Maybe they are really not aware that every youngster(with due apologies to the oldsters :p ) is a social networking addict. Read more…